Thunderdog.

I Was Told There Might Be Kissing.

Here’s a blast from the past, courtesy of a Marvel Bullpen Bulletins inside Avengers (volume 1) #71, 1969:

The only reason I even noticed this was the fact I’d just read Beau Smith’s terrific Busted Knuckles column, and his good-natured challenge to Marvel and DC to “give the readers one full year of stand-alone stories”.

I was a little surprised at the response he received. Most readers gave reasoned, if opposing viewpoints (notably Peter David, who never met a devil he couldn’t advocate), but some were downright unreasonable and almost angry at the suggestion. But why?

What about the challenge was so shocking or offensive (or “retarded”, as a poster at Mark Millar’s messageboard so politely put it^[1])? Yeah, how dare an industry veteran and a comics reader of (I’m guessing) 40 years or more question the current economic and editorial model employed by the Big 2?

What’s so wrong about suggesting that the all-important, most desirable new reader would be better served and welcomed into the fold more easily with 12 months of accessible, approachable stories, and then hitting them with some crossovers and mega-events after they’re hooked on the solid writing and satisfying resolution? For an audience that tends to bristle when labeled geeks, loners, losers, oddballs, anti-social misfits, or nerds, it was surprising to see a suggestion to bring in some new friends met with resistance at best and disdain and insult at worst.

Think about it this way: What if dating a girl ran like the comic industry the last few years?

You go on that first date (call it the “one-shot”), and it’s nicely done: she’s dolled up and pretty, the small talk’s fairly brisk and informative, but it’s more about setting up things in the future than it is talking about what’s going on right now. You wind things up with not even a peck on the cheek, but a promise of “to be continued”. Okay, you can certainly live with that, because a little mystery is nice and the promise of bigger things to come is always exciting, and hey, the one-shot was very satisfying (if a little more expensive than the typical night out)…

Six months later, you still haven’t gotten that peck on the cheek. What you have gotten is hundreds of dollars gone from your checking account for all the nights spent going on dates not just with her, but with various members of her family and circle of friends. Some of these are those “one-shots”, some of them are dates spread out over several weeks with different combinations, but all of them are dedicated to a single goal: giving you the tiniest, tiniest bit of additional info about the lady you’re trying to woo (and get that single peck on the cheek from).

Two months after all of that, due to philosophical changes implemented by said lady, you’ve had to go on dates with several more folks to explain or correct erroneous facts passed to you along the way, like she couldn’t possibly have been born at Woodstock in 1969 like her roommate told you back in March. (Whoops!)

At what point in this cycle would you say, “thanks, but no thanks” and return to chatting on the internet or playing Call of Duty 4 online or some other more immediately gratifying art-form? Would you even finish that first date if you were warned in advance that you might never get a reward of any kind for your contributions and devotion?

If you figure you’d be happy to last those eight months, I want to date you. It’d be a refreshing change from wanting to please my wife all the time.

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[1]I would’ve put a link to the Millarworld thread from mid-June, but it’s already been deleted. I guess they can handle one week’s worth of Beau and that’s it.